MY SILENCE IS ME SCREAMING OUT TO YOU.
“Ana” is not your fucking friend. “Mia” is not your fucking friend. You cannot pray to a goddamn illness. I don’t understand how you can broadcast your tips and tricks and commandments and not feel the slightest piece of guilt that you are helping somebody else on their journey to self-loathing, that you are showing them new ways to destroy themselves, that you are okay with encouraging others into disordered behaviours. I don’t care if you’re someone who’s just blogging about their eating disorder, I don’t care if you’re logging your intake, I don’t care if you’re tracking your weight, I care if you are treating anorexia and bulimia as ajalsdslandadqahrjhqwr i can’t actually go on i’m too angry
take your goddamn “extreme thinspo” and wake up to what it really is. it is a picture of an UNHEALTHY, UNHAPPY person which has been PHOTOSHOPPED to make it look INHUMAN and they are probably SICK and STARVING and you’re just taking them and tagging them with fucking “thigh gap” and “collarbone” and “perfection” and “ana” and you know what, you have a problem, and you need help, and you’re not gonna find it on tumblr so get the fuck off your computer and delete your account and go and talk to a friend or family member or doctor or therapist and for gods sake don’t contribute to this stupid fat talk culture where we all bring each other down with ourselves.
……………… i probably shouldn’t blog whilst i’m upset.
1200 is not a magic number.
- gatsby: hey i just met you
- gatsby: and this is crazy
- gatsby: but i'm going to spend most of my life and wealth in an attempt to pursue you for your stunning vapidness and the warped image of yourself created in my mind as a precursor to my eventual fall
- gatsby: so call me maybe
Life choice: Stop making recovery about your body.
I see so many recovery blogs focusing so much on “Gotta meet my calorie goal to gain!” “Gotta do some yoga so I gain muscle, not fat!” “Gotta still be healthy!” “Gotta take measurements!” “Gotta weigh myself and see if I gained!”
That’s not recovery.
That’s obsessing…
This is/will be all over my dash. idgaf. this needs to be on my blog.
It’s official. I have a highlighting problem.
Calling yourself stupid or fat will only lower your self-esteem. If you are unhappy with something, make a plan to change it instead of beating yourself up about it.
22:40
I just re-took the Eating Aptitude Test.
as some of you that have been with me for longer may recall, my score previously dropped from the high nineties to less than ten, which was great :) today I checked in at 13.
And I didn’t feel proud that I am still in the lowest risk category. I felt guilty for not displaying more ED symptoms. And that worries me…
Truth is, I have never come this far in recovery before. I have always hurried back into the arms of my eating disorder before crossing the final bridges back to life. and so I am facing new problems every day.
Incoherent rage.
Why are the majority of female fitness models so…. sexualised in their shoots? It’s all string bikinis and unbuttoning shorts and pulling off tops and lounging with their hands all over themselves and dousing themselves in water. Now I’m all for female sexual liberation and I believe that if you want to celebrate your body and love yourself, you should go right ahead…… but this is fitness, this isn’t sex, and I’m tired of all these professional “fitness model” shoots mixing the two up. I don’t know if this is just a personal opinion, but for me, fitness is something that is only ever going to work to my benefit if I’m only doing it for myself, and not caring about the way that other people look at me. All of these pictures seem to suggest that the only reason there could possibly be for a woman wanting to be strong, and build muscle, and take pictures of it, is to become more of a sexual object. And that’s just not representative of the BAMF blogs I read every day. They don’t want to be porn, they don’t coat themselves up in oil and touch themselves to take progress photos, and I know there are exceptions in the media but they’re exceptions and not the rule.
Meanwhile the male fitness models stand in their underwear and just look pensively into the distance. Men are allowed to celebrate their body for themselves. Women aren’t.
I’m going to meet an old friend for coffee now,
and afterwards I’m going to read my Dorothy L Sayers book instead of going for a run.
And that’s okay.
:)
payday is just the best wooohoooooooo
